Archive for Respect
The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Teachers
Posted by: | CommentsSchools and parents need to work in together as partners – with each other, not against each other – if children are to do well.
It’s far harder now than when teaching was done twenty-five years ago. It is not so much the constant changes to what the teachers are expected to teach or the extra paperwork; it is the parents and the students who show the teachers so little respect now. When children hear parents doing the teachers down at home, it’s hard for them to accept the teacher’s (and further more, the school’s) authority and take work seriously when they’re at school.
Parents
* At all times, try to reflect the teacher’s commitments and perspective, even if you take your son’s side
* Teachers are people too; they have personal lives and sometimes go through hard times; they like to hear good news as well as bad; most do their best and are stretched close to their limit
* Don’t be too shy to tell teachers what seems to work best for your son; they can’t know everything
* It’s only fair to the teacher and your son to tell the school if there’s a problem at home that might affect his behavior or work in school
Teachers
* These days, we all have to earn the respect we feel is our due; don’t put parents down; try to see things from their point of view
* Be aware that vulnerable parents are likely to take your treatment of their son personally, as if you’re doing it to them; respecting every boy in your care contributes to respectful home-school relationships
* Send home good news, not just bad
* At parent-teacher evenings, take parents’ concerns seriously, and end with: ‘Is there anything else?’; an alternative time can be arranged if the issue demands it
Children need to trust their teacher if they are to engage fully with learning. Constant carping about teachers at home, especially about a particular one, will encourage a boy to block out whatever that teacher is trying to impart.
The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Right to Know
Posted by: | CommentsBoys in particular like to live within rules and structure. They thrive when they feel secure and can predict what is going to happen to them. The unexpected can be very unsettling. Sometimes things happen out of the blue and any adults involved can be equally surprised. But more often the adults know in advance and simply fail to keep a child properly informed.
Children need to be able to make sense of their world. If they can’t, they live in social and emotional chaos. They make sense of their life both through the patterns that emerge when life is ordered and each day has a predictable shape to it; and through being given explanations when there are changes. Young children’s brains develop through constructing meaningful patterns, so every child needs to make sense of knowledge and events before he can learn.
If you are a parent:
* Try to tell your son about things before they happen, as they happen, and afterwards explain why something happened
* You can tell him about your own feelings and discuss his
* He can be told about changes in routines, partners and relationships and about absences
* He can be told about your decisions, and the reasons for them
* You can give him facts, answering his questions about such things as death and divorce honestly, but in terms which he can comfortably comprehend
If you are a teacher:
* Give boys good warning of any changes to the daily routine of the classroom
* If you know that you’re going to be away, tell them in advance, and let them know who’ll be taking your place
* Explain why any punishment or ‘consequence’ is being imposed
* Explain fully why a piece of work is either good or falls short of the required standard
* Keep boys informed about the time, it will take to mark important tests or projects, and explain any delay in returning work to them
When you explain things to your son, you show that you respect his right to know, empathize with his need to make sense of his world, respect his ability to comprehend and understand, and trust him with the information.
The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Feelings
Posted by: | CommentsFeelings are fundamental; they make us who we are. Many parents find it hard to accept that their boys can be fearful and anxious. Men aren’t supposed to have those vulnerabilities, and the sooner a boy overcomes them, the sooner his parents can be reassured that their son is going to be a ‘real’ man, and also stop having to spend valuable time and energy dealing with those fears and feelings. Fear of the dark, water, spiders, losing friendships, failure, nightmares and bogeymen all seem irrational to parents and test their patience. They respond with rational arguments, but, for the boy, the fear may be purely emotional and, therefore, irrational.
If you are a parent:
* Respect his fears and anxieties
* Share his delights and disappointments
* Acknowledge and describe how he might be feeling, so that he develops a Vocabulary that will help him to understand his reactions
* Jealousy is natural, normal and acceptable, but it’s not acceptable to hurt anyone because of jealousy
If you are a teacher:
* As part of a literacy strategy, junior children can be given a ‘feelings’ book in which they can write how they felt about particular lessons, projects or homework
* Fear of failure explains a wide variety of behavior that obstructs learning; encourage boys to be open about fears
* At all ages, drama and role-play can allow both boys and girls to explore emotions ‘safely’
* Debates in mixed gender groups will enable boys to learn more about empathy
* Encourage them to explore emotions by reading literature
Whether it is delight or disappointment, fear or fury, joy or jealousy; boys are entitled to have their feelings acknowledged and respected by their parents and carers, just as girls are.
The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Model Respect For Women
Posted by: | CommentsThe best thing a father or father figure can do for the children in his care is to show love and respect for their mother. This reinforces her authority, strengthens the children’s respect for her, and makes them feel secure in themselves and within the family. Crucially, it also models respect for all women.
Boys will do better and do themselves justice if they distance themselves from ‘laddish’ culture, which tends to reject anything vaguely female or associated with women as weak and inferior.
If you are a parent:
* Don’t let your son walk all over you; boys won’t learn to respect women if you don’t respect yourself; taking time for you and maintaining house rules to protect your interests are marks of self-respect
* Earn his respect; if you don’t treat others, including absent parents, with due respect, he may lose his respect for you
* Be careful about the tone and content of your casual remarks when watching films or television; many swear words, for example, imply disrespect for others
If you are a teacher:
* Discuss with your colleague whether you might introduce a sexual harassment policy in your school; girls should, of course, be prepared to treat boys with the same respect they may wish to receive in return
* Gender awareness and equality of respect should apply throughout the whole school and every lesson
If we want to encourage boys to develop a more caring image of masculinity, we must show respect for women, including female teachers, and the particular strengths and qualities that women possess. Verbal or physical abuse and violence towards women, especially a boy’s mother, is often the single most damaging factor to a boy’s self-esteem, mental health and future success in life.