It can be hard to let go. With such busy lives, we may feel we have fewer ways to demonstrate our love and commitment. One remaining way, as our sons grow up and become harder to hug, is to tend to their needs. Teachers say that boys start secondary school noticeably less independent and competent than girls, which affects their ability to study. We may unconsciously feel uncomfortable teaching boys to use the washing machine, cook or iron.

If you are a parent:

* Encourage financial independence; give him regular pocket money, and stick to the agreed amount
* Encourage planning skills; if you’re planning an outing, as a fun project ask him to find out opening times and costs; give him a budget and sole charge of the family kitty for the day
* You can start early by leaving him to put on his shoes, wash his own face, get his things ready for school, and so on
* Be sure that you are doing enough for him in other ways so that he knows you still care

If you are a teacher:

* Make sure you inform parents of the educational spin-offs of self-reliance – that children who can look after themselves are also successful learners
* Don’t be tempted to let boys off the hook because they are inclined to be less organized
* Boys who live between two sets of parents may have difficulty remembering to bring in their books, especially early on; it’s better to give a boy two sets than to scold him and add to his problems
* Promote the use of planners and homework diaries
* Address time-management, work and planning skills

Boys can be so clumsy, too. We’d rather do the job for him than see him struggle, mess it up or go out looking scruffy or without something because he’s forgotten to think ahead.  But it is not helpful to mollycoddle boys. It keeps them dependent and stops them developing the skills they need for managing school, work and time.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of Encouraging Self-Assessment: How to Parent Your Boys

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Support the School

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Minimize Conflicts At Home

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Promote Self-Direction

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Him Opportunities to Test Himself

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Find Good Support Groups

7. The Basics of Encouraging Reflection When Parenting Your Boys

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Impress You

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Teachers

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: What You Expect is What You Get