The earliest adaptations that result in compliance, rebellion, and procrastination are partly related to the way children are touched when they are young. In severe cases parents beat their children, sexually molest them, or deny them food or other necessities to get them to obey. This may lead to external compliance, to rebellion (as when a child runs away), or to generalized insolence, generated by rage that is held back temporarily. This rage may later be expressed as brutality toward people or pets who are weaker. It may also be expressed hurtfully toward oneself. Hating or hurting one’s body—or an insatiable craving to be touched—often has its beginnings in unhealthy touch or lack of touch in childhood. Even in “normal” families, many parents have a hard time expressing their love with physical gestures or loving behavior.

If lovingly cared for, children will respond with love. The responsive smiles and wiggles of infants show that humans are equipped at birth for healthy relationships and intimacy. Frequent touching, rocking, carrying, and holding all stimulate an infant’s well-being. Without sufficient touching, infants become sick, even die. For maximum mental and physical health, healthy loving touch is an absolute necessity. This is just as true when you become an adult. As you begin to know the needs and wants of your inner Child, you may discover fear of some kinds of touch and longing for other kinds.

The importance of touch begins at birth. The first gasp for breath, the shock of cooler air, and bright lights can be made easier by the caressing of human hands. Liberation from the protective womb, into a world that is not always protective, is an event of great magnitude. Infants who are not separated from their mothers immediately seem to have a greater sense of trust about the world around them.

Contact comfort with softness and warmth is the most important variable in the famous Harlow studies of monkey behavior. The studies show that laboratory monkeys separated from their own mothers at birth selected soft cloth mother-surrogates for contact comfort, even though a wire-mesh surrogate could feed them. In like manner, infants cling to the softness of their mothers and, if they are not available, are often happy with a soft blanket or toy.

Later in life, softness in another person is certainly preferred to harshness. Interestingly enough, when people increase the amount of soft and loving touch they give and receive, their faces often soften, and frequently they look years younger.

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3. The basics of listening to yourself with love – how needs and wants are adapted

4. The basics of how to be happy – tough love and tender love

5. Parenting – Touch Can Be An Important Way Of Saying, ‘I Love You’

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Talk With Touch and Words

7. Business Tips – If You Stay In Touch, They Will Too

8. The basics of love and happiness – negative influence of parental injunctions

9. The Basics of Baby’s Development after Birth

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