While you are looking after the boys in your care, you must also look after yourself. We don’t need to be told that the better we feel about ourselves, the better we cope with challenge and difficulty and the nicer we are towards those we live and work with. We all know this. We know, too, that when we have had a bad day or are very tired, we tend to take our frustrations out on our nearest and dearest. Looking after ourselves is an investment which benefits others, for, when we behave well, we feel positive towards other people and pass on our feelings to them.

If you are a parent:

* Talk to others; it usually helps
* Identify your little luxury, the thing that calms you down and restores your faith in yourself; it may be reading a trashy book, going to the pictures or having a drink with friends
* Make sure your choice of ‘pick-me-up’ is realistic; when grandiose schemes fail, it can have the opposite effect
* Try to arrange for it to happen on a regular basis; while some things can be slotted into small time slots, others need more time and require planning
* ‘I’ve always wanted to…’ so do it

If you are a teacher:

* Trust and believe in yourself; if you doubt your skills, you may interpret difficult behavior as a personal attack, and react defensively, provocatively and unconstructively
* List what you see as your professional strengths, then identify where there’s room for improvement; discuss with colleagues how to share collective skills, to aid professional development
* Challenging boys make heavy demands; rather than pretend total competence and suffer, set up a group with supportive colleagues to pool understanding and ideas
* After a bad patch, pamper, don’t punish, yourself

It can be hard to trust your competence during every stage that children pass through and with every issue that presents itself. Most parents and carers enjoy certain developmental stages more than others. While teachers can choose whether to teach little ones or older children, parents have no choice: they have to cope throughout. Your uncertainty will be real, but children value firmness. Discuss any problems with partners and friends, carefully review your initial reactions, and if you still feel the same, trust yourself and remain consistent.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Teachers

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Monitor and Supervise From a Distance

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Grow Wings

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Choices

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Watch Him Doing Something He Enjoys

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Promote Self-Direction

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Deal Positively With Peer Pressure

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Say No

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Develop Responsibility and Safe Risk-Taking

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Manage Choices