One of the things prospective employers are wary of when they interview people for jobs is any applicant who curries favor, seeks approval, avoids disagreement and seems not to have faith in his own judgment. Anyone showing these signs is rejected, for insecurity and uncertainty are unhelpful in the workplace.

Of course, we all have times when we feel insecure, but some people feel it more than others and some are hampered by self-doubt most of the time.

If you are a parent:

* Accept that he won’t be perfect and that mistakes are not only inevitable but also important for learning
* See the funny side of his errors
* Behavior talks: he’s not bad, just trying to say something; look behind any naughty behavior for possible reasons
* Disapprove of what he does, not who he is
* With an older boy, you can disagree with what he wants to do, yet still support his right to do it

If you are a teacher:

* Be aware that reward systems for work and behavior might lead unsuccessful boys to feel disapproved of
* Show approval towards all students: respect, show interest in and talk to each one, not just the accommodating and successful ones
* Involve all students in decision-making, to develop their independence and self-esteem, and to demonstrate that you trust and approve of their ability to make judgments
* Show that you value a wide range of skills

The tendency can start in childhood. Boys grow strong inside when they feel approved of, loved and accepted for who they are. If an adult’s approval is conditional, forthcoming only when a boy is being ‘good’, he will be forever looking over his shoulder, creating distance between his instincts and his actions. Always having to play to the parental gallery, he will soon lose sight of himself and never develop any sense of personal integrity.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Nurture His Social Skills

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: What You Expect is What You Get

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Promote Self-Direction

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Boys Do Best When an Involved Man Cares

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Nurture His Self-Respect

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Impress You

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Find Good Support Groups

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Him Safety, Security and Predictability

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Be His Last Point of Refuge

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Failure Lights the Route to Success