My friend told me that his son became passionate about fishing after he’d been taken a couple of times by his uncle. The young lad desperately wanted my friend to come too, but it took so long and my friend had the younger one, so he never did. My friend told himself that he wanted to keep it as his son’s thing and didn’t want to muscle in, but when his son’s passion dwindled my friend realized how badly his son wanted my friend to share in his interest. It was my friend’s doing that his young lad gave up fishing.

It can be hard to judge the amount of involvement a boy wants us to have in his life, especially when he is at an age when he needs to become more separate and independent. There can be no clear answers – we must simply remain sensitive to the issue and judge each situation as it arises.

If you are a parent:

* Show interest, but don’t be intrusive
* Share and show an interest in his hobbies but don’t take them over; they don’t have to become your passion too
* Give him the space and territory to be different and separate from you without cutting yourself off
* Pop music is frequently used by older boys to explore and establish their new identity; ask which bands they like, but don’t make them your favorites
* Sporting events can be shared safely, and bring different generations closer

If you are a teacher:

* In any class discussions about personal and family matters, acknowledge your students’ range of family types and personal experiences, but tread very carefully in these areas.
* Plan ahead about how you should respond if a student ever becomes distressed during discussions of personal issues

In summary, there are two principles to bear in mind that may be useful: first, show interest, but don’t be intrusive and, second, remember that your prime role is to be his parent rather than his friend. You can be effective and loving without being his best friend, who should come from his peer group.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Enter the No-Go Areas

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Watch Him Doing Something He Enjoys

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Boys Do Best When an Involved Man Cares

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Minimize Conflicts At Home

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Cherish and Trust Yourself

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Be Fun, Fair and Flexible

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Tell Him His Story

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Support and Encourage, Don’t Control and Push

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Don’t Make Approval Conditional on Good Behavior

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Impress You