The classic male body may be the dream of many, but not every boy is going to grow up naturally endowed with broad shoulders and rippling muscles. Many families, and some racial groups, simply don’t transmit the right genes to bring this about. Boys may not worry about the pout of their lips, the spread of their buttocks or the size of their eyes, but they experience as much anxiety about body shape and the condition of their skin as pubescent girls.

If you are a parent:

* Teach him to care for and honor his body, whatever its shape, by supporting him when he’s ill and helping him stay clean, fit and healthy
* Be careful what you say about men’s physique, so you don’t applaud media stereotypes
* If he wants to do weight-training, and it’s safe, support him, don’t tease; but make sure he knows that he’s lovable as he is and that girls go for personality and humor more than looks
* Don’t teach him to hit back at or exploit physical size with other boys

If you are a teacher:

* Avoid comments such as: ‘You’re big and strong; you can help me with these books’
* Make boys aware of the power of advertising in establishing preferred body images
* Talk about what makes a ‘real man’
* Break down stereotypes through discussion, classroom displays and teaching materials
* Initiate work on bullying and operate zero tolerance of physical fights on or near school grounds

Muscles take on a special value wherever physical strength is prized above other attributes and where might is viewed as right. If everyone in your family respects social, rather than physical, qualities in human beings, and rejects the use of muscle power to end disputes, your son’s self-esteem will flourish, whatever his shape and size. Social and emotional strength matter far more in the long term. It is also important he can freely admit when his body is ill and not working properly.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Nurture His Social Skills

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Fortify His Heart, Don’t Thicken His Skin

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Develop Responsibility and Safe Risk-Taking

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Teach Coping and Survival Skills

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Deal Positively With Peer Pressure

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: the More You Use It, the More You Lose It

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Read and Learn Together

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Minimize Conflicts At Home

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Feelings

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Listen With Both Eyes