In larger families, meeting everyone’s whims and wishes is usually impossible. It isn’t good for children, or for parents, either. Too much choice can undermine a boy’s sense of self: if he never makes true choices, he won’t discover what he really likes best. He can also become confused and unhappy if he has too many choices about too many things, because he won’t feel that his parents are in charge and family rules will be blurred.

Too much choice can easily lead to arguments, since he won’t realize when his demands go too far. In addition, it allows him to control and manipulate situations; it doesn’t prepare him to cope with disappointment; it may encourage him to become selfish and insensitive to other people’s needs; and it can take responsibility from him because he can always say, ‘Sorry, wrong choice – I’ll have this one/ if he doesn’t like the consequences of his initial decision.

If you are a parent:
* Managed choice means ‘either/or’ decisions; you put limits on the choices, having already decided what you are happy to agree to
* Limited choice means offering these choices only a few times a day
* Avoid open-ended choices; for example, on a cold day, it’s better to say: ‘Would you like to wear your jeans or your tracksuit today?’ in case he chooses shorts, and no more than three items should be on the breakfast menu
* Make sure the choices you offer are realistic
* Boys should not normally be in charge of how the whole family spends its time

If you are a teacher:
* Choice is motivating; boys who are given some choice about what they do and how they do it are often more committed to their work
* Offer choice within project work – not too much or it becomes too hard to start, but enough to foster individuality
* Where there is little scope for choice in lesson work, choice-based activities can be tried, such as ‘If I could be a tree/food/color/musical instrument/car/country/piece of furniture/an animal, I’d be a because…’

In conclusion, to help a boy strengthen and deepen his self-esteem, the choices offered must be both limited and managed.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Choices

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Minimize Conflicts At Home

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Identify the Danger Signs and Times

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Support the School

5. The Basics of Encouraging Self-Management: How to Parent Your Boys

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Say No

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: the More You Use It, the More You Lose It

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Feelings

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Fortify His Heart, Don’t Thicken His Skin

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Lead Him When He’s Ready