The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Choices
ByChoice is all around us. It’s great, because it gives us more control over our lives. Common sense tells us that children should also have choices, but how much, when and, just as important, why?
In a world of multiple choices, boys need to be able to make informed and responsible decisions. Your son will do this better if he understands his own preferences, is sure enough about them to resist outside pressure, and can think through the consequences of his choices upon himself and others. These thinking and reflective skills should be developed wherever possible.
If you are a parent:
* Younger children can be given some choice about what or how much they want to eat or drink, what they wear, what they play, who they play with and what story they have at bedtime
* Avoid suggesting that they go out and play with someone; allow them to come up with ideas and playmates for themselves
* Older boys can have some choice about, e.g., when and where they do their homework, what (but not how much) TV they watch, what they spend their pocket money on, and so on
If you are a teacher:
* Respect a student’s decisions – don’t ask him what he wants, then ignore his reply
* Choices help to manage behavior in the classroom; say: ‘You can carry on talking and mucking about, or you can get a detention. It’s your choice’
Choice is important because it offers scope for self-determination. It enables a boy to feel he has some control over his life and that he is not powerless and put upon: docility is not a useful quality for the future. Choice also helps to sharpen his sense of himself because it makes him consider what he really wants.
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