Boys in particular like to live within rules and structure. They thrive when they feel secure and can predict what is going to happen to them. The unexpected can be very unsettling. Sometimes things happen out of the blue and any adults involved can be equally surprised. But more often the adults know in advance and simply fail to keep a child properly informed.

Children need to be able to make sense of their world. If they can’t, they live in social and emotional chaos. They make sense of their life both through the patterns that emerge when life is ordered and each day has a predictable shape to it; and through being given explanations when there are changes. Young children’s brains develop through constructing meaningful patterns, so every child needs to make sense of knowledge and events before he can learn.

If you are a parent:

* Try to tell your son about things before they happen, as they happen, and afterwards explain why something happened
* You can tell him about your own feelings and discuss his
* He can be told about changes in routines, partners and relationships and about absences
* He can be told about your decisions, and the reasons for them
* You can give him facts, answering his questions about such things as death and divorce honestly, but in terms which he can comfortably comprehend

If you are a teacher:

* Give boys good warning of any changes to the daily routine of the classroom
* If you know that you’re going to be away, tell them in advance, and let them know who’ll be taking your place
* Explain why any punishment or ‘consequence’ is being imposed
* Explain fully why a piece of work is either good or falls short of the required standard
* Keep boys informed about the time, it will take to mark important tests or projects, and explain any delay in returning work to them

When you explain things to your son, you show that you respect his right to know, empathize with his need to make sense of his world, respect his ability to comprehend and understand, and trust him with the information.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Model Respect For Women

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Him Safety, Security and Predictability

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Feelings

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Nurture His Self-Respect

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Teachers

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Choices

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Work to and From His Strengths

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Nurture His Social Skills

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Show that You Understand Him

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Grow Wings