Support and encouragement give boys the energy they need to concentrate better, stay with things, achieve more and feel good about their progress. Controlling and pushing can leave boys exhausted, resentful and inclined to opt out.

When we support and encourage, we share a boy’s burden and give him the courage to try new things. By contrast, when we control and push, we add to his burdens, imply that he cannot be trusted to do it on his own, sap his courage and undermine his self-belief.

If you are a parent:

* Show an interest in what he does; watch him undertaking various activities; ask how things went after he makes a special effort
* Offer help, take him where he needs to go; discuss problems; answer questions
* Listen when he tells you about his problems and successes; share his enthusiasm about dreams and goals; mark his achievements
* Show trust; help him set his own goals in a time frame he can manage
* Discover and accept your son’s learning style and preferred work patterns

If you are a teacher:

* Give him detailed information about the progress he’s made and what he still needs to do
* Help him devise a plan of action if he gets stuck, to keep him on course
* Be enthusiastic about his improvements
* Use stars, stickers and incentives carefully; if boys decide it’s no longer cool to work for rewards, they are left with nothing to work for
* Letters, postcards or certificates sent to students’ homes remove the potential for peer ridicule and allow parents to enthuse about their sons’ achievements

Controlling, pushy adults are likely to finish tasks for their son; fill his time with activities; point out mistakes immediately; be competitive; issue threats; set new goals in quick succession; hover and get involved in homework, rubbing out mistakes and so on.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Support the School

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Find Good Support Groups

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Support Him When He’s Stressed

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Make it Safe to Make Mistakes

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Impress You

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Nurture His Self-Respect

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Boys Do Best When an Involved Man Cares

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Lead Him When He’s Ready

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Promote Self-Direction

10. The Basics of Encouraging Self-Management: How to Parent Your Boys