Touch can reassure as well as relax. A boy who is never touched can feel ignored, ashamed and unworthy. His confusion about his need for the affirmation that is conveyed through affectionate touch may make him less confident about touching others as an adult, either with formal handshakes or in physical shows of affection with his own children and partners.

If you are a parent:

* Little strokes of his forehead, head or hands at bedtime or while watching TV – or just sitting close – can be a way to introduce touch into your relationship
* Experiment with little touches to replace words
* If your son finds being touched difficult or embarrassing, ask him what’s OK and when
* Consider buying him a pet to help him feel comfortable about expressing affection through touch
* Ask your partner to massage, stroke or hug you as a reminder of how good it feels; this may make it easier for you to be more expressive with your son

If you are a teacher:

* Child-protection issues make many teachers reluctant to touch children; in any case, as boys grow older, it becomes increasingly difficult and inappropriate to do so; just standing close to a boy while looking over his work can show you accept him and feel no discomfort in his presence
* Some teachers greet their class of young children individually as they enter the classroom, inviting each boy to choose how he wishes to say hello each time – with a smile, a handshake, or nothing at all if that’s how he feels that day

Touch can communicate better than words. It can say so much, in so many ways, and it is less open to misinterpretation. And it need only take a split second. The positive touch can be a full embrace or an arm round your son’s shoulders; it can ask for nothing in return or seek a simple sign from him that he has acknowledged your gesture. It can demonstrate to him and to others that he belongs to you. It can heal an argument and say you’re sorry. It can console him after a disappointment, show how proud you are, or express equality and partnership. But touch can also hurt. Hitting is hurtful, and merely pushing your son away when you’re angry can signal deep rejection.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Give Him Safe Time to Talk

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Teachers

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Watch Him Doing Something He Enjoys

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Model Respect For Women

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Independence Without Abandonment

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Keep Him Informed of Developments

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Nurture His Self-Respect

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Understand His Particularities

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Cherish and Trust Yourself

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: See With Both Ears