“You took your first steps running away from the vacuum cleaner. It used to terrify you. One day, when it came close, you just took off!”

Young boys love to be told stories about themselves – when they were babies, how any older brothers and sisters reacted when they arrived, and so on. These stories give your son a history. They are pieces of his life’s jigsaw that he needs to complete his picture.

Older children like to hear other stories – about your childhood and school days, or the antics of their aunts and uncles. Such tales deepen your son’s sense of belonging, as he learns more about what it is he belongs to. Each story will act as a connecting thread that will create a sense of continuity in him. Like a spider’s web, the more linking threads there are, the stronger he will feel.

If you are a parent:
* Get out family photos from time to time; talk about the people and events shown in them; this can fill in gaps in his understanding of family history, generate laughter, lead to further conversations, reinforce your son’s identity and increase his confidence
* Regularly recall past holidays, birthdays or treats that were fun and brought the family together
* If you can, collect and keep for your son items such as favorite toys, books, clothes and first shoes, so that he may revisit the past and bring it to life
* Talk about difficulties; don’t bury them; he has a right to information about himself

If you are a teacher:
* Personal life-lines: in a group, discuss special experiences that have marked students’ lives, and what made them significant, how they felt at the time, etc.; ask each child to draw a vertical line on a large sheet of paper (the line represents their life from birth to the present) and to write their own personal positive and negative events on either side of the line
* Not everyone has a happy family story to tell; focus on good and bad, happy and sad experiences, to ensure a full and realistic picture that leaves no one out

Remember, difficult times need to be talked about too. If you blank them out, it will not only break the thread and leave a gap in his history but also damage his confidence about the future.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Hear His Side of the Story

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Inspect Your Expectations

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Extra Closeness

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Enter His World Carefully

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Make Him Feel He Belongs

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Work to and From His Strengths

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Him Safety, Security and Predictability

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Choices

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Say No

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Don’t Invest Your Self-Worth in His Success