The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: the More You Use It, the More You Lose It
ByThere was a young boy getting bored at the skirt of his mother as she talked with a friend in the street. He decided to run away towards the road, so his mother grabbed him, dragged him back, hit him and resumed her conversation. He did the same again, twice, and so did she. The third time, he ran out into the road, and she hit him harder, several times. The more she hit, the more he chose to flout her authority.
There is an important lesson to learn about power, which is that the more you use it, the more you lose it. Where power is used, or misused, frequently, it tends not to stop children doing something, but to incite them to further challenge.
If you are a parent:
* Hitting is not the only power tactic used by parents; threats, bribes, harsh punishments and elaborate reasoning are also used by parents to get their way; children get the measure of these tactics too
* We remain authoritative not through being authoritarian but by continuing to guide, influence, set boundaries for decisions and, sometimes, to direct when necessary
If you are a teacher:
* Boys are often less biddable than girls and have the confidence to argue and make their point if they feel unfairly treated; if you fail to listen, you could lose in the long term
* Lessening your control will not necessarily undermine your authority; put boys more in charge of their own learning, allow them to evaluate their own and each others’ work under your guidance, and the potential for destructive, power-based dynamics will be reduced to a minimum
Perhaps children see people with an over-reliance on power as weak underneath, and exploit this weakness. More likely, they resent their inferior skills and position being taken advantage of. Being neither understood nor treated with the respect they deserve, they express their frustration in the only way they can.
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