Every boy is different. A boy can be adaptable, affectionate, funny, sensitive, quick to cry, find it hard to concentrate or to share, live in a fantasy world or be down-to-earth. He can be resilient, jealous, generous, prosaic or fanciful, like noise or quiet, be tidy or untidy, seek company or prefer solitude. He may feel, play, think, learn, and enjoy things in a way that is different from other people. It is these ‘particularities’ which define who he is as a human being, regardless of his gender. A boy will have a clearer picture of the different elements within himself if close adults put what they see into words.

If you are a parent:

* Fill in your son’s ‘personality palette’. Write down his likes and dislikes – what he likes to or won’t eat, his favorite games, pastimes and activities, clothes, what he does well, places he likes to go, how he works best
* Be positive; traits you view as negative may be the reverse side of positive ones; for example, he may stand up for himself with friends but be ‘too assertive’ with you
* Tell him what you see: ‘I really like the way you…’, or ‘You’re very sensitive, aren’t you?’

If you are a teacher:

* Consult with other staff members to determine specific strengths and weaknesses of a student you find ‘difficult’
* Be aware of different learning styles (ask what students prefer) and vary lessons appropriately
* Ask students to get into small groups; in each group, select one student and have the rest of the group bombard him with all the strengths and unique features they see in him (no negative comments are allowed); one person should record the contributions, listing ten to fifteen of his strengths

To take the analogy of an artist’s palette, the more ‘colors’ or traits that can be identified, the more varied and interesting the picture that is painted. Parents, and sometimes teachers, often see a boy as ‘naughty’. If he is not ‘good’ (which for those parents means never doing anything wrong), then he is automatically ‘naughty’. In that situation, boys learn to see themselves as either good or bad, and if it’s the latter, unsuccessful too.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Lead Him When He’s Ready

2. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Show that You Understand Him

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Don’t Invest Your Self-Worth in His Success

4. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Tell Him His Story

5. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Respect His Teachers

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Cherish and Trust Yourself

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: See With Both Ears

8. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Work to and From His Strengths

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him Grow Wings

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Let Him be Responsible for His Success and Failure