Boys will be able to feel more at one with themselves and at ease with one another if they can develop their caring instincts in parallel with other features of their personality. Masculinity does not have to be identified solely with physicality, aggression, brutality, crudity or cruelty, to the exclusion of other, softer characteristics.

No one is suggesting that boys lose their gender identity to become like girls or that men ignore the effects of their hormones to ape women. We all, women included, have a tough side and a tender side. Boys’ self-esteem will rise when they don’t have to deny important bits of themselves.

If you are a parent:

Teachers
* Give him permission to feel and express tenderness toward cuddly toys, babies, animals and his younger brothers and sisters
* Teach him to care for other people
* Try not to belittle any men you know or hear about who take on caring jobs or roles
* Don’t tolerate hurtful talk or behavior simply because you think ‘boys will be boys’

If you are a teacher:

* Encourage a policy of zero-tolerance across all classrooms of macho talk that is based on violence, aggression or insensitivity
* Avoid timetabling community service as an alternative to sport; playing sport is not incompatible with spending time with elderly people
* Ensure plenty of class discussion to raise awareness of caring and gender issues

A recent survey estimated that five million workers are bullied each year, which represents a lot of misery. Of course, women can bully too, but it is likely that more people in a position to bully will be men. When we fail to challenge young children’s view of masculinity as associated only with power, aggression and control, the damage to individuals can be widespread.

Related posts:

1. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Model Respect For Women

2. The Basics of Parenting Your Boys: Encourage and Value A Range of Skills

3. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Support and Encourage, Don’t Control and Push

4. The Basics of Avoid Shame and Guilt When Parenting Your Boys

5. The Basics of Encouraging Reflection When Parenting Your Boys

6. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Give Him Safe Time to Talk

7. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Offer Him Opportunities to Test Himself

8. Caring for Someone who is Dying – Your Needs as a Carer

9. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Boys Do Best When an Involved Man Cares

10. The Basics of How to Parent Your Boys: Find Good Support Groups