The basics of the four categories of emotions – mad, sad, scared, or happy
ByFor convenience, feelings can be grouped into four basic categories: mad, sad, scared, and happy. Children use simple words to talk about how they feel. More sophisticated words come later when vocabulary increases and nuances surface. Within each category of feelings—mad, sad, scared, and happy—words reflect many levels of intensity. For example, when people say they are mad at someone, the feeling may be a frustration, which is a fairly low level of anger, or it may be rage, a much more intense level.
The value of expressing anger is often debated. When anger is released, more energy is available. Sometimes, getting angry is a healthy response to a serious threat and may even be lifesaving. Sometimes anger can be life-threatening as is the case on crowded freeways when road rage may cause someone to act unsafely or improperly.
Many professionals encourage the outward expression of anger because it becomes self-destructive when turned inward. Yelling, while pounding pillows, is a common therapeutic technique used to release hostile feelings.
Manipulation through anger is not uncommon. Persons who are easily angered often justify it on the grounds that it is effective. Like three-year-olds having temper tantrums to manipulate parents, they may get what they want in the short term. Most grown-ups eventually discover that this not an effective way to increase their long-term happiness.
Based on personal or cultural values, most people believe they are entitled to get angry about certain things and are self-righteous in doing so. Whether or not they have the right, excess anger is often accompanied by feelings of guilt or depression. The new Parent needs to recognize this and to set firm limits on the inner Child, so that rage is not expressed in destructive ways.
Sadness is another basic category and can also be related to cultural values. For example, in some cultures people laugh at bad luck, in others they swear, in still others they cry. Sadness includes feelings such as grief, loneliness, despair, and depression. Sadness is debilitating, and when people experience it deeply, they may withdraw physically or emotionally, thinking “I can’t go on” or “I have nothing left to give” or “I don’t want to live if it’s going to be like this.” Depression is the most widespread and serious form of sadness. Sometimes it has a biological or biochemical basis. Sometimes, it is due to a negative view of oneself or the world. Depression can be caused by a conflict of values or the inability to make a decision. Also, people who are afraid of the intensity of their anger may find it safer to block it out and feel depressed.
Substituting one feeling for another usually occurs without any conscious effort. In any event, the basic problem remains unsolved. Whatever the cause, depression represents a depth of sadness that is the opposite of happiness, just as despair is the opposite of hope.
Grief is another form of sadness. It occurs when people experience a major loss, and it is a natural response, especially after the loss of friends or family. In addition, the loss of some bodily function, a lifetime dream, a job, a home, a pet, or a prized possession often elicits sadness or grief.
When grieving, people experience physical symptoms of distress, such as headaches, insomnia, loss of appetite, or stomachaches. They may feel panic because of the inability to think. They may feel guilt, resentment, or hostility and be unable to accomplish routine tasks.
Like sadness and grief, feeling scared also has levels of intensity ranging from apprehension through anxiety, fear, terror, and panic. There is a natural apprehension before taking an exam or making an important speech or performing in some way that is subject to other people’s judgment. Although some people are not apprehensive before these kinds of events, others experience anxiety or actual fear. Those who are most afraid may expect to be emotionally hurt or judged inadequate. They believe that criticism will somehow reduce their personal strength and lower their self-esteem.
Anxiety is a generalized feeling, perhaps overall nervousness, rather than an identifiable specific feeling like fear. Anxiety can be a response to the past, the present, or the future. It often produces physical symptoms like tics, headaches, or agitation. A person may feel anxious without knowing why. Negative fantasies increase the anxiety level and can be overpowering. The person suffering anxiety may be afraid of “falling apart.” As a result, some people ridicule themselves or are ridiculed by others: “You dummy, there’s nothing to be worried about.”
Fear is more painful than anxiety. It is both more immediate and future-oriented. It occurs when there is an expectation that something very bad is going to happen. People with this expectation may also feel horror, loathing, dread, or panic.
Fear is a natural response to threatening situations. However, fear that was appropriate in the past is sometimes carried over into later life. When this occurs, people are fearful when there isn’t anything to be afraid of. They may try to avoid any person or situation even remotely similar to what was feared in the past. If the fear becomes very intense, a person may experience overwhelming terror, collapse physically or emotionally, and become unable to cope with daily tasks or decide on long-range goals.
People who are frequently fearful, yet able to control it somewhat, go through life procrastinating to avoid making wrong choices. They may get mad at themselves or be sad for not being different. A potent new Parent is needed to protect the scared person (who might need to uncover and confront the original sources of fear).
Everyone wants to feel happy more often and for longer periods of time. Happiness has levels of intensity, just as the other basic feelings do. Satisfaction, contentment, and pleasure are at one level. Delight, elation, bliss, and ecstasy are at higher levels of intensity.
One of the characteristics of intense happiness is that it does not last. It either becomes less intense (though still pleasurable) or is negatively transformed. The transformation can be due to changes in the external situation, such as waking up happy then going to work and being fired. On the other hand, changes may be due to internal dynamics, such as being ill or even feeling guilty for being happy. It is the job of the new Parent to clear away the negative attitudes that prevent us from having more and more happiness in our lives.
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