From Inferiority to Competence

Between the ages of seven and twelve, you may have felt competent in some situations and incompetent or inferior in others. In this exercise, explore how you handled the basic academic and social challenges.

- Academic challenges in childhood:

- Achieved mastery or didn’t:

- How I felt and acted:

- Effect on my life:

- Social challenges in childhood:

- Achieved mastery or didn’t:

- How I felt and acted:

- Effect on my life:

Now consider your current intellectual and social challenges and note whether they are related to both your childhood urge for independence and your childhood attempts to master academic and social skills. How can a new Parent help you now?

- Current intellectual and social challenges:

- How they are or are not related to childhood:

- If I became a mentor, a coach or new Parent to myself, how might doing so help me in facing and dealing with intellectual and social challenges:

Identity and Self-Affirmation

In your teen years, you probably felt comfortable about yourself in some ways and not in others. Since then, you may have changed your mind, but how did you evaluate yourself at the time? Using the areas of concern below, list whether you were confused, somewhat uncomfortable, or accepting of yourself in your teen years.

- My appearance:

- My sexual identity:

- My capacity to think:

- My friendships:

- My home environment:

- My skills in sports:

- My skills in music:

- My skills in…:

If during your teenage years you were not comfortable with yourself, have you gained knowledge and appreciation of yourself since then?

If not, what do you need now from an internal and healthy new Parent, or a new coach or mentor figure?

From Loneliness to Intimacy

Loneliness is painful. It is first experienced in infancy. Usually, it is due to being isolated or ignored. When children’s needs are not met and closeness to parents does not develop, a child does not learn how to trust. Mistrust and loneliness become unpleasant yet familiar feelings.

In later life, loneliness is often expected. Intimacy may be avoided or restricted because of the early basic lack of trust.

- Specific people I wanted to be close to:

- What I did to encourage or avoid intimacy:

- The emotional effect of these relationships:

If you have a habit of developing relationships with others that do not last, is this related to some earlier issues around trust and mistrust?

- Do you select persons who are not trustworthy?

- Do you act in ways that alienate people?

If either of these is true, what could a new Parent tell you that could help you to could sustain love?

The Need for Balance

Whether to stay self-centered or reach out caringly to others is a question many people need to ask themselves. The opportunity comes especially in the middle years between ages 30 and 60.

Consider your current lifestyle and activities. Do you need to change your focus?

- My activities that are primarily self-centered:

- My activities that are primarily other-centered:

- Activities that involve both myself and others:

Is there a balance of some kind between what you do and how you act that is primarily for you and primarily for others?

If your activities and actions seem out of balance, what do you need from a new Parent to create balance?

To Be an Elder or to Be Elderly

The young find it almost impossible to comprehend what it is like to get old. Avoidance and denial are common barriers to thinking and planning for those years. When planning is done, it often is only in terms of having enough money and physical health to maintain life.

Historically, the title “elder” has been used for confidential advisors who are experienced and therefore valued for wise advice. Some cultures respect their elders and the wisdom they have accumulated; other cultures do not.

Some individuals or cultures seem to magnify the importance of money and productivity and deny the value of wisdom. However, as the so-called Baby Boomer generation gets older, that orientation may change.

Related posts:

1. The basics of the power of competence in the pursuit of happiness

2. The basics of learning to trust yourself on your way to happiness

3. The basics of how deciding to forgive will lead to your own happiness

4. The basics of how to expand your options when you are pursuing happiness

5. The basics of the pursuit of happiness – positive values with the loss of power

6. The basics of the importance of teachers, mentors, and coaches in the road to happiness

7. The basics of the key to happiness – laughter is the medicine that heals

8. The basics of the teachers’ important role of children’s happiness

9. The basics of how to cultivate your children’s happiness

10. The basics of knowing your possibility of own sabotage on the road to happiness